What silence did to me?

It’s been about a month that I live in my room in hostel alone (thought it’s a two-people room). What did it do to me obviously is I’ve become more silent. I’m not really a person who’s quiet, I’m talkative when I’m comfortable with other party, still, I’m a moody person so when I don’t feel like talking, I prefer being alone/staying silent. 

   Silence does has it’s pros & cons. I just read a tweet: less communication will lower down your brain functions. And 1Q84 by Murakami also mention about Aomame being hidden without anyone with her will lower down her verbal ability. I realized it myself that my sentences seems more scattered than before -cries- what should I do?

   Pros? Hmmm.. I don’t know, but a Hadith with meaning : 

“talk necessary words or stay silent”.

I’m sure it’s beneficial somewhere somehow. Yes I do prefer silent most of the time, and I think it’s good but I don’t actually know how.

I even seems to be lost with words now. That's all for now. It's up to you to talk or stay silent. We just have to mind our words so it won't dragged us to Hell. Da~ yanaliyana

Why worth living?

Hi abandoned blog. There're much things happened in my life but all tends to circle only in my head,lazy to write.

Why this title interest me? As a Muslim,it's my duty to become humble servant to Allah cause this world is only a short journey for eternal life Hereafter. Then comes this question,i believe it not as coincidence cause it's being asked to myself -not directly & literally of coarse- too many times. 1st because of vampire japanese drama that i encounter,it tugged my heart at the sentence: 16 years is already enough to live. There's no more mean to life~ i ..WHUT??

Then another drama,korean drama with gumiho (nine-tailed fox) theme,where a questioned like this is asked: why do you choose short life of human being instead of immortal life of gumiho (a fictional story yeah,my fav) ? Why give up immortal? Why worth living when you know you'll die one day?

And the last thing i encountered recently during my semester break, the four kittens in my house had been in fever,one after another. One failed to survived,heartbreaking death in our kitchen. So me & mum tried our best to keep the other 3 alive. It's not an easy task because they can't talk. I keep shouting to the kitten "Live!!! Please be alive!! ㅠㅠ" until that words come to my ownself,it's really worth living. I suspect this is a task, thinking it as task Allah gave me after i kept asking "why my current life is so boring? Nothing to achieve,can't set an aim?" Allah may answer this with this question back: why do you LIVE yana? One may feel their life pretty much worthless, while another struggle to live short life,fullfill it to the most rather than empty immortal life.

The question i still yet not find solid conclusion, but i get the hints ^^. You may want to ask yourself too,what life is to you? Happy thinking~ yanaliyana

Why there's tears?

There are 2 things that made me cried instantly without a second delay,when i heard the statements.

                                                 One: there'll be more women than men in hell.
                                    Two: what if one day Malaysia lost its stand as Islamic country?

        Tears just fall down without me realizing it at the beginning~ More women in the hell. it's true,as stated in hadith. its easy for women to go to heaven: be obedient to Allah & Phophet SAW, and be obedient to husband. simple. yet not easy to do. go against it, hell is waiting.

        What if Malaysia will no longer be an Islamic country? Just thinking of it gives me goosebumps. It's different from originally living in non-Islamic country,where muslims are minority~ can you imagine the damages Malaysian, Muslims in Malaysia did until Malaysia lost its Islamic title? it's not really hard to imagine isn't it? but i hope it's not gonna happen, Nauzubillah. i remember telling myself: i rather not be in Malaysia if it fall, i rather not seeing the destruction using my own eyes. i'm just an avoidance person like that.

       What should i do then? Pray pray and pray. Doa. The weapon for all muslims. Reflect. Be a good muslim. a reminder for ME and you. -yanaliyana

Teacher vs bad students?

i wonder what would i be if i'm not in education field. maybe a doctor? but i understand that i don't have enough qualification for a doctor. Maybe a teacher is really a suitable career for me. i'm a hipster, but in education field, especially in Malaysia, i found that it's a good thing being one.

Dr. Mahaliza, my lecturer said: kamu kena sedar, setelah kamu terjun dalam bidang ni, selamanya kamu akan berada dalam bidang ni sampai pencen. cikgu. kalau kamu tak boleh nak kawal pelajar kamu, sentuh lah hati dia" "kalau kamu berdepan dengan pelajar yang nakal ni, cari ibu dia. kepala gangster. dulu saya mengajar satu kelas, ketua pelajar nakal ni adelah gangster. saya jadikan dia ketua kelas. pengedar dadah, tp saya bagi dia duit belanja hari2, dia tak buat dah. ketua gangster ataupun pemimpin negara, they have the same quality: leadership. either it is used for positive or negative things. YOU teach them.

Coincidentally, ummi talked about the same issue on that very same day. problematic kids. -but don't see them as problems. see them as challenges- "ummi waktu masih baru jadi guru, depa bagi kelas hujung. saje... dan kelas ni semua lelaki. 27 lelaki dalam 1 kelas. sedang ummi mengajar, dah tak tahan ni, sebab seorang pelajar ni memang kurang ajar & tak endah ummi kat depan. Ummi tampar dia" -all of us in keep quiet,because we don't expect ummi to slap a student or we were just shocked of ummi's confession,i don't know- "tapi ummi nak lempang tu,ummi selawat dulu. & hari2 ummi doakan dia. tu je sekali ummi lempang pelajar. hujung tahun ummi mintak maaf, tapi pelajar tu cakap: takpe ustazah, kalau ustazah tak lempang saya masa tu, saya tak tau ape saya akan jadi harini" -which of coarse a good thing-

Dr Mahaliza always stress on: don't predict what your students gonna be in future, especially telling them: awak ni nanti jadi sampah masyarakat. and don't keep blaming them for their past. today's mistake is today's. don't go: semalam awak tak siap kerja. harini awak datang lambat. minggu depan gagal ujian blablabla DON'T EVER DO THIS. i think this applies in other scenarios in our lives too.

i've had an experience related to this too. when a teacher -i dunno the word,forgot- bila cikgu tuduh anda bukan ditempat yang betul. a teacher told me i slept during her class, that's why i can't answer and she doesn't let me defend myself. i'm so mad because it's hard to stay awake in her afternoon class & she blame me sleeping. i told myself then "you gotta proved you're not stupid yana, for sleeping in her class. proved you can do best". i got A for her subject in PMR though it's not my favourite subject.

sometimes i wonder, don't we sometimes need a teacher that down-graded us,so we can take it as challenge? so we can comeback to them when we succeed and give them 'in-your-face' sweet revenge for proving them wrong? but of coz i don't want to be bad teacher. i just have to think smart to pretend like one hahahaha ok 끝. i have to plan on that act later.

yanaliyana.

Shouldn't I questioned myself?

I went to an event JUST recently..and today a news come to me..the 1st one makes me extremely happy & hyper, but the news really broke my heart -as a fangirl & human-

The other side of event: it teaches me to depend on Allah fully &highly~ the maghrib prayer,the bus incident~ but the news... i ask Allah why is these happening to me...happy+too sad..in solat few tears dropped..

..but then i read Quran... "Surah Al-Qiyama, Verse 35: Again (consider how) nearer to you and nearer. (English - Shakir)" ㅠㅠㅠㅠ i broke down for real.. Allah didn't reply me the answer..instead He makes me asked myself back: don't you think about world Hereafter yana? it's far bigger matter~ i broke down...really...why questioned Allah's plan when i should questioned myself ㅠㅠ trembling,i cried so hard..and feel calmer after that..thank you Allah..thank you for always answering me~