A post on 'end my degree study' or 'end of school-practice period' should be ahead of this, but i just don't know why.
I should already get over rebellion phase at this age, but now the conflicts started to pile in.
Maybe because i've been in boarding school and hostel all these years (umm 10 years at least?), that only now i started having these dilemma, because i only started to live at home.
It's the infamous conflict: friends or family, and other conflicts too, as well. Or maybe this is current influence/drawback from watching Sassy Go Go drama. Instead of 18 years old in that drama setting, i'm asking as 24 y o: is it wrong to have fun with your friends at this age?
I sure mature late? I thought i've done well, i grow up well, surviving 5 years studying in a field i have no confidence in, or managed to find a place to stay by myself during my intern days, or trying to be good teacher by my own feet. But i'm still struggling to choose between having fun or just let the fun down, you're grown up now. Your peers are getting married.
I left my classmates' group, i never really had fun during my 18 y o days (i'm struggling because of my not-pandai self, too much idling caused me very bad results). Now i'm stuck because someone said to me "gigih tu boleh, tapi berpada-pada la", which almost sounds like an insult to me, just because i tried to travel far just to see friends. Words coming from adult. I know there's truth to it, in the end only family will care for you. But again, is it wrong to have fun? Though most of time i'm enjoying it alone?
I can't seems to work things out inside my head. Oh well. That's all for now. I may read this back, thinking: how stupid i am to write such post. But a positive-head me need to vent some thinking out, or else i'll be depressed as much. -yana
From your writing, one thing for sure: you need a break. Take a break, away from everyone (especially those who would give you instructions/opinions/ideas/suggestions) and clear your mind from everything. Come back, fresh, and ready to continue what you have been doing, and preparing for five years. For all the comments/insults/ideas/opinions that came along your way, take the good ones and ignore the negative thoughts... because it is you who will face everything, good or bad, not them. You are by far on a right path, a path which not anyone can walk through. A path you need to walk for 60 years, all blood sweat and tears, alone. You need motivation and strength to hold on to reach that 60th year and you dont need people to stop you when you havent even start your 1st.... this one month break is the only break we have to get ready to face a tougher year, next year. Hwaiting!!! You can do it!!
ReplyDeleteThank you 성생님!!! 😭😭😭 yeah i need that break after 2 months of suddenly needed to work, and live -almost- alone.. thank you again, i'll try my best to organize things right. Thanks!!!
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