How about asking the same question to yourself? I cried.

"Teacher can i give up?", ask Hazeeq to me. "NO", i firmly replied him. Now these echoing back to me, i feel like crying.

I feel so powerless and useless. The students won't listen to me. I feel the same like Hazeeq. I want to ask the same question. "Can i give up?" But i myself answered No to my student. How could i possibly say Yes to myself. If i give up, how about my students?

I told Hazeeq, "see? You got it all correct. It's just that you need to continue working on it until finish. I know you can". Right BACK at my face.

Feeling so disappointed with myself today. Indeed if you fail to plan, then you plan to fail. *cry*

-yanaliyana-

Random things, How you know you're finally an adult?

I can say Henley Hii is my ideal type right? cough
whenifirstsawhiminreallifeitwasconfirmed
cough. And that reply on ig got me smiling ear to ear! I'm sorry i'm just a mere fan but he seems so considerate!

And i won't post this one on twitter, in case Alvin will directed here *i doubt he reads any of my entry, except maybe the one i linked him long ago*

I don't know why i'm too conscious with Alvin, as if it will hurt him if i spazz over other male artists. Because i feel like you're vulnerable. Just like Cha Hakyeon of VIXX. You care too much, you'll hurt as much. But both of you are so loving, and strong.

Heh talking like i know him on other level, when i'm just a fan who he happened to remember my name, maybe because i mentioned him a lot on twitter. Siapalah aku, only a person who can wish you the best from far. Dah Yana jangan nak melo sangat. Over.

Anyway, i started to think this blog served more as a diary to me, lately. Maybe because i'm lonely? Or 'lonely' might not be the right word. I prefer 'I had more, lots of time for myself'.

I had this sentence echoes for me a lot today, delivered by my best friend Pah, whom i missed alot, i might cry. I told her almost 90% about what happened to me when i change my staying place to current one, how i search for room/house to rent by myself, searching and communicating with society without any help of acquaintance, going to school alone, enduring things alone. This got hammered in my mind:

Yana dah dewasa.. (You've grown up..)

She sounds like a proud mom friend through the phone. And I'm so overwhelmed by that comment. Until this very second. I miss you. REALLY.

That was the 1st time i received such comment, even i'm the type to travel alone (and far) many times, people just called me brave. Never have i received: you're grown up now.

But then, I'm having life problem right now, and i don't know how to solve it. 24 years old, but i'm still lost. Daughter of my tenant came today, saying when she's my age, she already got married. I must be still a very young person in her eyes (her daughter called me 'kakak' -sis- when i think i should be her makcik level already)

Coincidentally, i'm on episode of Twenty Again where Minsoo asked: do i really am adult right now? (He portrays 20yo boy). Which had me asking myself the same question. The ever-so-overthinking-about-drama of Yana. Heh. I don't have answer. Yet.

I don't know how to end this post, because it's a mix up of random things today. Have a great day, Self! -Yana-